one time i took a picture of a tiger at the zoo and the tiger smiled for the picture it was very great and the best picture i’ve ever taken
like when beyonce said “i woke up this way: flawless” she’s saying that flawless is not dependent on how she looks at a given moment; by dent of being alive, just by being authentic to herself, she’s flawless.
not “i woke up with this hair laid and makeup did and decked out clothes”. which is how everyone else apparently interpreted it.
And God said unto Abraham, “Abraham.”
And Abraham replied, “What.”
God said to John, “Come forth and receive eternal life.” But John came fifth and won a toaster.
And Judas approached the rabbis and Pharisees saying, “The one whom I kiss is the one you seek.”
To which they responded, “Gay.”
And thus, god made Eve. And she was bammin’ slammin’ bootylicious.
see you all in hell
- me: *buys merch intended for males because all the female merch is ugly as hell*